


Side Effects

by Ineedapuppyandsomevodka



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Side Effects, Therapy, being put on meds, diaz boys to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29539212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedapuppyandsomevodka/pseuds/Ineedapuppyandsomevodka
Summary: Buck... he feels like he’s always been an anxious person. He’s always been seeking out other people’s attention and he often wonders if the people he around even cares about him the way that he cares about them. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps him up at night frequently.Lately, it seems that no amount of working out, sessions with Doctor Copeland, or talks with his friends have helped with his anxiety or the fact that he can’t slow his mind down enough to sleep most nights.The thing is, in order to do his job and to do it well, he needs to be at his best. He needs to sleep at night. He needs to not have these thoughts racing through his head. It’s a whole thing.So, he gets put on anxiety meds.The only problem with the meds is that they have a long, long list of side effects that come with them.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 253
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Side Effects

**Author's Note:**

> I recently got put on new anxiety meds and I've been having a great (sarcastic) time with them.

Buck is... he’s doing okay. 

He’s known for a while now that there are some things that he needs to work through. No amount of talks with Maddie, late-night discussions over beers with Eddie, or fatherly advice from Bobby was going to dig deep enough to help him find the root of his issues. So, he started seeing Doctor Copeland a few months back, and she’s been helping. She’s pointed out a few things to Buck here and there that have made him realize the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

He knows logically that his parents are not bad people. They provided him with a lot growing up, they were supportive, they cared for his overall well-being... but at the end of the day, they were never emotionally there. He doesn’t blame them, especially now after he knows what they went through. 

He knows that he loves his job, he loves the people that he works with. He loves what he gets to do, day in and day out, and everything that it means to him. He loves his sister, his work family, and despite everything, he still loves his parents. 

He just has a fair amount of anxiety about it all. 

Buck... he feels like he’s always been an anxious person. He’s always been seeking out other people’s attention and he often wonders if the people he around even cares about him the way that he cares about them. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps him up at night frequently. 

Lately, it seems that no amount of working out, sessions with Doctor Copeland, or talks with his friends have helped with his anxiety or the fact that he can’t slow his mind down enough to sleep most nights. 

The thing is, in order to do his job and to do it well, he needs to be at his best. He needs to sleep at night. He needs to not have these thoughts racing through his head. It’s a whole thing. 

So, he gets put on anxiety meds. 

The only problem with the meds is that they have a long, long list of side effects that come with them. 

The first day he takes them... things are okay. 

The second day, he finds it harder to fall asleep, tossing and turning and just trying to keep his head on straight. He’s at work, though, so he’s able to brush whatever he’s feeling off as nothing. He’s got a bit of a headache, and at times he feels like his heart is racing, but that’s just the adrenaline, right?

Day three has him calling the doctor because he feels more panicked on the medication than he does off. He hates it. She tells him that with the medication that he’s on it can sometimes take a few weeks for the side effects to level out. 

Days four through six are kind of a blur. He has weird dreams that wake him up in the middle of the night. The headache he felt on day two is still sticking around. He’s never really hungry, but he eats anyway. He just feels like the world is moving at one pace and he’s working at another. 

Day seven finds him unable to eat breakfast. He makes himself scrambled eggs and sausage because it’s his go-to meal. It’s easy, and he normally loves it. Today, it feels like if he eats another bite, he’s going to puke. He sits there and he stares at his plate for a while, taking small bites here and there. He makes himself finish it and by the time he’s done, the eggs are cold and unappetizing. 

He’s beginning to wonder if it’s worth it. Will the drugs level out in his system? He knows what normal feels like. He knows what he’s felt like recently, and he knows what he feels like on this medication. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t feel like himself. 

If he has anxiety and he’s always going to have it, why take medication if it doesn’t help? If these feelings were fixed and constant, and medication only gave him side effects, then why take it? What was the point?

He’s got today off work, so he sits and stares at the TV for a while. It’s not even on, he’s just got a lot of things to work through in his mind. 

The problem is, no matter how much he tries to work through, he feels like he can’t complete a train of thought. He feels like he can’t get from point A to point B without visiting C through Z first. 

He’s always kind of wondered if he has ADHD. When he was a kid, his parents would insist that he wasn’t, that he was just lazy. He was never lazy, he just couldn’t quite get himself to ever... focus. 

Sure, he did alright in school. He was always scared of what would happen if he didn’t do well. His parents were already hard on him, and he thought if he did well in school, if he could get good grades, then maybe they would see him. They would recognize his accomplishments. Little did he know what he had to live up to his dead brother who he didn’t even know. Who he couldn’t save. 

His mom had said she was proud of him, though. That he was born to save someone and that’s what he did every day. He saved people. 

Did she mean it though? Did they mean any of it? Or were they just trying to make him feel better? 

He puts his head in his hands, his mind going a million different places. They were proud of him sure, but would that ever be--

“Buck?” he hears, jarring him out of his thoughts. 

He pushes himself to his feet, only to see the Diaz boys in the entryway of his home. 

“We thought we’d bring some pizza, maybe play some video games,” Eddie says as Chris comes to give Buck a hug. 

“Oh, that sounds great,” he says, trying to muster a smile, hugging Christopher back. “Hi, bud.”

“Hi, Buck,” Chris grins, and it makes his day just the slightest bit better. 

“You doing okay?” Eddie asks, raising an insinuating eyebrow. Of course, he knows, Eddie always knows. 

“Better now,” he says with a nod. 

Eddie pulls Buck into a hug while Christopher makes his way to the couch. “I know you have a lot going on in that head of yours, but we’re always here for you. I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie a little tighter.


End file.
